No expression, no expression

I think this is the longest stretch I've ever gone without blogging.  It got to be longer and longer and it felt daunting.  I was in no mental state to blog anyway without being a Debbie Downer (no offense to any Debbie's out there, it's just a saying)

True to form, 4 months post miscarriage my hormones shifted and I took a pretty rough turn for the worse.  I was already not in great shape so this time has been a doozy.

I tried to power through for months since I had been off anti anxiety/depression drugs for about nine months but my imbalance was winning the fight that no amount of deep breathing could fix.   

I spent the day before Halloween bawling ALL day and Dave thought I had lost it when I finally told him I was literally crying about nothing and needed to go back on medication.   I think he was relieved that he wasn't doomed to spend the rest of his days with a lunatic.  

 I'm not weird or too proud to take medication but I was sad that I had worked my way off of it and had to bite the bullet and go back on.  This time I knew depression was the culprit but I noticed anxiety creeping in too so it was a double whammy and my low dose couldn't cut it.  I'm now at a good dose and am starting to feel hopeful and positive again.  So here I am back to blogging which releases stress and makes me feel somehow like I'm accomplishing something  since I suck at a personal journal.

So way back on October 26th, Neve turned 6

she started talking like a baby around that time too which hopefully goes away soon

This is what I call exuberant gift opening

Grandma and Grandpa surprised all the grandkids by showing up at Neve's birthday party straight home from their mission.  You will be surprised to know that Ella cried.  She's so cute!

Why would you post a smiling pic when you can have this!

since Neve had sent this saying on all her letters to them for 18 months, Heather had a fun idea to make Neve a shirt with a copy of one of her many notes to them.  It is now her favorite pajama shirt and all her others rarely come out of the drawer

Halloween 2014

Halloween came and went with not much fanfare which is sad because its my second favorite Holiday.  I tried to will myself to do an adult party but I just didn't have it in me.

I wanted Sammy to be a Pinata
I hadn't realized how much work this costume would be
but he loved it and so did I.  Who knew he would constantly be threatened with a bat.

Ella did a little Ninja turtle thing with Kylee and Brin

I had all these cute Ideas for Neve but all she wanted to be was a Pink Batgirl
and NOT one with a tutu

 Logan is too cool for Halloween now so it looks like I only have 3 kids.  Oh well, less people to make idiotic faces in pictures.

 My new calling is a Den leader for the Wolves.  Sam was in for 2 months but now has moved up.  These boys are fun and I am enjoying this level of busyness vs. the other level I had for the last years.  I miss my YW but it was definitely time for a change.   These happy little balls of energy are just the thing I need right now.

 I started working at the Jr. High as a Behavioral Aide, Special Ed Aide, Friday School Meanie, and to help the handicapped kids at lunch.   I'll be honest, the handicapped kids are the easiest.   I'm enjoying my job......crazy I know!   Some of these kids are total butt heads but as I find out more and more I am sad at the situations these kids come out of.  Tragic!!!   They are fun though and I am just masochistic enough to like teenagers.

Sammy turned 9 on December 21st

I hate seeing this kid grow up but I do love to hear him back talk to Dave in spanish 

without realizing he's doing it.  "No Sabe!"

I love this picture because oddly it looks like a mix of Me and his uncle Mike

Half my kids still choose the Costco cake.....fine with me.....easy!