when our joy is at it's zenith

I definitely started this new job off in a state of denial.  I was not going to let anything slip just because I was working.  Otherwise, it was not worth it to me to be working.  I'm tough like that.  I have been feeling like it's not worth it the last few weeks as I have come to terms w/the balls I have been forced to drop from my juggling act.  I don't feel good if certain things don't stay in order.  It messes w/my head.  

My head is messy right now.  I have started to cry today three different times for no particular reason and kind of without warning.  It's a good thing I'm home doing laundry and cleaning out the pantry.
I actually had a few epiphany's today.   Neve has been exceptionally mean and difficult at home.  She screamed in her room for over and hour last night over any and everything she could think of.  She went to school with very puffy eyes today and asked me if I still love her even when she's mean, ouch.  She has just been so hard.  Logan has been super annoying.  Like not ever stopping or knowing when it's not funny anymore annoying and he seems to save it for me.  Carri said last night that he seems to be lacking attention from me or something and I have been thinking about that all night and today.  Ella has been an angel as usual and tries to be very helpful.  Sam has been crying a lot and is super sensitive. This is not normal for this little man.  My realization today is that all this behavior coincides with me starting to work and that makes me upset and sad.  Mothers belong home and it doesn't go unnoticed when they aren't there.  I feel it necessary to be at work right now otherwise I wouldn't hesitate to walk away from it.  I enjoy the job but I love my family more.   They asked me to train for the head pastry position and without hesitation I said no.   A job isn't my life work,  raising good people is.  None of the pastry people have children, they can't understand.  I only work two days a week starting last week  for the month of January and it has been a much needed break for me to get some things around here back in order.  Dave has been wonderful to keep things up and being Mr. Mom many days but there are just somethings I need to do or really like to do myself.  Meals around here are getting an overhaul that is for sure.  I have been major suckage there and that really gets under my skin since I love to cook.

Keep that in mind as I blog from a month and a half of activities and give me the benefit of the doubt if I seem like a raving lunatic.

We had all of Dave's siblings and their kids over to our house for Thanksgiving this year.  It was a really nice time and so nice to not have to rush somewhere else to eat when we were done eating.  We did it the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I was a fan.

Logan playing in the neighborhood Turkey Bowl

This is Neve w/Santa at her dance recital this year.  She was kind of the only kid that knew the whole dance and also the tallest by a foot.  I'm not used to that.  In fact Dave couldn't see her because he automatically assumed the tall girl wasn't our kid.  She's a pretty good little dancer and I'm not sure this Mom can keep up w/the hairdo's if she continues to like it.

We took the kids to Temple Square w/the Harmons one Sunday night and I think we chose the perfect time to go.  Not too crowded and one of the only good weather days we would have been able to fit it in.  Well, I use good weather loosely!   Dave is embracing his feminine side.

These are some of my favorite kids in the whole word

Luckily Luke and Tanner love to play in the snow so it made it so my kids decided it was fun and I got them out of the house a little more than usual.

Clyde and Norma sent us a fun package from Canada with many Canada things inside as well as chocolates we could eat while watching the first presidency fireside (which btw Dave was irked that a woman spoke and not the actual first presidency.  He doesn't like women speakers I think almost as much as I don't like the sopranos in MoTab)

Anyway my kids took apart a broom so they could fly the flag and then created an airplane out of boxes and they worked on it for hours.

I smiled and felt a little sad when I read it.  I would love to be able to take them to Canada but It's just not looking doable.   We have had many great vacations and I'm not feeling deprived in that regard, just that we would like to go see them and where they are serving before they come home.

I finally finished some wreaths I have been working on for quite some time and decided to give them to Dave's sisters and Sis in law for gifts rather than hoard them all to myself.  It did have a hard time parting with them but one can only have so many coffee filter wreaths before they need a mental eval.

Sam came up to me one day and said "Mom, I want a black suit".

I went and bought him one that minute

What kid asks for the monkey suit?

It was hard to fit his dimensions

Every year Dave and Brian feel that something NEEDS to be fried.

 So Dave bought an infra red fryer for health conscious reasons (not really) and we made a night of it
It was actually a very delicious turkey and it really was funny to watch these mens eye go googoo gaga over meat.  I will never understand that.  I thought the Christmas Story was just all funny but nope, it's totally real.

My cutie pie Sam singing his espanol feliz navidad songs.

He's a very good singer.  Just ask him.  LOL

 Ella who is just my slightly older cutie pie at her singing performance.  I can actually say she's a good singer.  If you asked her she would say "I don't know".

 Sammy had his 8th Birthday during all the Christmas hubbub.  He's so happy and loves everything and everyone so it's not hard to make his day a success.   We took him to Buffalo wild wings for dinner.  He created this cake online at coldstone and I was a bit worried.  It was delicious.  He knew it would be, just ask him.

 He loved every gift and his little face in this looks just like me as a kid.  This photo actually looks a bit like Logan too but that makes sense since Logan very much looks like me.  He's a butthead like his Dad though (:  I have been seeing a bit more of uncle Mike in Sam but this one is all Mom minus that gorgeous skin.

 He was suddenly wanting wrestling stuff.   Watching that crap is where I draw the line though.

 We had my family's Adult Christmas party here the weekend before Christmas and it was fun.  We are usually having too much fun to take pictures but I had to take this cute one of my Brothers.  Most people I know now don't know my older brother Kerry but he is all the nieces and nephews favorite uncle, just ask him.

 This one was too cute of my Mom and Dad.   My Dad trying to hear everything going on and my Mom probably trying to tune us out.  This is a fun night for me and my siblings.  I'm not sure if the in laws like it as much as us but we don't care.

 Sam and Logan playing a fun soccer game that Nellie gave to Sam

 I took the kids and a few of Sams friends plus cousin Finlay to Airborne for Sam's Birthday.  He told me "mom, I don't want a pinata party, I want to go do something fun instead and take a few friends".  Done!!!   I hate planning kid parties.

We did Christmas the Sunday before Christmas with Dave's family at Heidi & Erics house.

Heather and Adam gave all the kids headphones and you would have thought they all had won the lottery.  I wish i had a recording of them all screaming in glee.

We had our traditional Parents over for Christmas Eve dinner but we were missing a set this year.  We invited Carri and Mike to come too so Dave could show off his rib skills to more than just my parents this year.

 Uncle Adam

 Uncle Mugga

 Grandma and Grandpa Bray

 We gave my Mom the last ornament in a twelve days of christmas set we had been doing for them.  They had no idea it was us.  It was fun to hear her talking about it to us as the week went on and showing us the ornaments.  My kids were perfect little liars.
My Mom has been getting them a book and reading it to them the last few years and this is a fun tradition.  The girls especially love it.  I think Carri like it too.  I wish I had a pic of her craning her neck to see.

 Santa is not a masochist around here and presents are not wrapped.

The boys were dying to have these so that is what Ella got them.  They really work.

Sam did a five minute dance/run around the house/scream when he opened his new ipod

But this was his favorite thing he got I think.  He sucked it all down before we went to Grandmas

Ella wanted books books books.  So we appeased her w/a Nook

Logan knew he got a phone when he was 14 but wasn't expecting this early treat.  He shows excitement just like me.  He's excited deep in there.

Carri gave me a funny letter and a Mary Poppins bag full of money.  She has an amazing memory and knack for creative ideas.  Sometimes may or may not include dog poop.

My parents gave Logan Bill Cosby comedy.  He's in heaven.  It does give him more material to be annoying with though

Ella got the Rainbow loom that ever girl in America wanted this year but I didn't see her open it.  Neve got one of the Disney dolls that are so Darling and Sam got Simon Says and bopit.

First one who sees it gets a prize.

It was scaring the crap out of some of the kids but hey Adults have to find ways to entertain themselves by tormenting kids.

The post christmas bomb stuck around for a while since I had to work the day after Christmas plus I was trying to be laid back.

This was the last straw when I was trying to do laundry in the mess.

I took down all my christmas stuff and pulled everything off the cupboards and gave them all a nice scrubbing, along w/the ceiling and any other high space only reached w/a ladder.

The bottom was still a mess but I had a sense of accomplishment as I knew the area where no one sees was spic and span.  If you look closely in the pictures, I'm sure you will see it sparkle.

I think my kids are the only kids in the world who still bang pots and pans but hey they love it and it costs nothing.  Unless Logan breaks the wooden spoon.

Logan thought we were lame because we went to bed at 12:30 and maybe we are.  One day everyone must embrace their lame-ness.

Despite my debbie-downer-ness today I have had a great time the last however many days since I blogged last but blogging is an outlet that I think I have come to need as a release of some sort.  Maybe I'm an addict but I think it's a healthy addiction and one of the things I shouldn't neglect.  I have a bad memory naturally and it is really fun for me to recap so I can remember it again every time I read it. (:  My sweet Ella reads it a lot too.  She's into stories and such.  It felt quite therapeutic to blog today.  Maybe I'll do it again tomorrow.