Sunday, May 27, 2012

Funny thing, but you can sing it with a cry in your voice

Props to Neil.  We love him cause our Mom does, even if he talk/yell sings.

Sam had his Kindergarten Program this last week and it was very cute.  We like that they seat him next to the smallest girl in the grade to make him look tall.  For some reason when they sing "you are my sunshine", I cry.   Its so cute and reminds me that they are only small for a minute.  Next year he is in another school in the Dual Immersion Spanish program.  I'm anxious about this but for no particular reason.  My little Sam will be like 2 miles away and that is hard on me.

I just did my weekly Sunday night check of the obituaries.  I know its jacked but really I just look for untimely deaths and feel sad for a few minutes.  If they are really untimely such as little kids or handicapped folk I shed a few tears.  I think it keeps me grounded but maybe it just keeps me clinical.

Speaking of,  my Dr. tweaked a few of my medications and it has thrown me for a new loop which is kind of different than the loop I was in a few days ago.  I'm a bit of a zombie and it sucks but a few days ago it was suckier (I'm well aware that isn't a word).    I was already suffering a bit I think after hormones regulated (or unregulated in my case) from my miscarriage in January and I was trying my hardest to counter act this w/exercise, my normal meds, and being very self aware.  Well, contrary to many idiotic beliefs sometimes that just isn't enough.   Circumstances out of my control that caused me excessive worry and stress pushed me over the edge of where my medication was doing its intended job.   It's no ones fault really,  just the two people who got together so many years ago when one had mental disorders, that are my paternal grandparents.  Sadly these mental illness problems are super duper contagious (ha ha---genetic)!   Most children of some one w/it inherit some form of it.  I have always considered myself lucky because I ONLY have anxiety.   I figured out my issues clear back when I was a senior in HS so I have had a lot of years to figure myself out and I'm pretty good about keeping an eye on myself.  Sounds weird, but it is what it is.  I am in no denial which is good since most people are.  I have a great Dr. that explains it in an amazing way & is very awesome about listening to me and making a plan w/me and not for me.  Now I am waiting to adjust, so while I wait I get to just be tired but yet have insomnia.  I also changed my Metformin a bit so a sad side effect of both of these drugs are stomach upset.  Upping both is not a good combo.  Lack of appetite just might be good for a while, but just if I weren't so damn tired.   So, if you see me and I seem like I want to eat brains for dinner, I'm good.   I just need a little more time for my little friends to work their magic.  Love ya anyway Grandma Rockwell!!!  It's not really your fault either.

I finally redecorated Neve's room after I decided to repaint a while back.  This was the first clue something was wrong w/me,  I started a project and didn't finish it right away.  That is very much not me.
 Here are the before and After Photos

 After-and to think, I used to hate the color pink
 Bead board is a sunuvaB to paint.  Just an FYI.  I couldn't have it white though, it wouldn't have matched the frames on the new pictures.  Plus it mellowed out the hot pink a little.
 I got these little wonders at Target on clearance.  Woot woot!

 I put her mouse ears clear up on top of the netting over her bed.  She was jumping and so mad because she doesn't want them up there but unfortunately for her, no matter how much she jumps she will never be able to reach them.  I tried dying the netting w/RIT dye.  It did not work at all.  I'm guessing this IKEA net is made of some sort of plastic and not fabric so it wouldn't absorb the color.  Oh yeah and I know her name is not even.  I still have to fix that.
Sam is playing w/chocolate coins w/Neve and he is talking about defense so I guess they are doing some kind of war.  Neve says "and I get over the fence".  Sam, "Neve defense does not mean that there is a fence".     He then tries to explain to her what defense means by saying words like offense and defend and like how in Jazz they play defense and everyone is yelling "DEFENSE".  She still doesn't get it.


Angie said...

Cute paint! I always check the obits too and I get so upset when they don't put the cause of the death. If you are younger than me or just a little bit close and you are dead, I want to know why!

Good luck with the drugs! (that's just fun to say!)

Natalie said...

Why do we do that with obituaries?

Sorry you've been having issues with your medicine/mental health. Congratulations on being so self-aware. Wouldn't it be nice if we all were self aware and not in denial about our mental states? I hope everything goes well with the tweaks (not the meth ones), and you are able to sleep. Unfortunately, insomnia is the the fuel that can feed the crazy train fire.

Lisa said...

I am in denial that it is bad to be in denial about my mental state!!! I hope you start feeling better. I love Neves room. I have two kid rooms that need to be done if it soothes you. I would be more than willing to let you do it!!

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