Friday, February 11, 2011

Did my time, took my chances

A few random tidbits

Sam wanted me to buy him a caramel apple called Tiger tail or something like that and I told him I didn't think he would like it. He is very persistent and always knows he is right so that is the one he chose. So we are driving along after giving him a piece and in the back I hear "blech, more like tiger guts"! I said "didn't I tell you that you wouldn't like it and now look you don't like it, maybe next time you should listen to me when i tell you something" He replied "mom, it's like you think you are the boss of the world!" He informed me later that I was only kinda right because he liked the "skin" of the apple. The "skin" being the caramel.

Last night I was helping Logan w/his scout book to pass off some things he can do at home and we were doing the section about tobacco/drugs/alchohol and there is a section about inhalants. He told Ella that Smencils are drugs and then pretends to be smelling a smencil for a while and then starts gyrating around saying "gimme some enchiladas". I'm not sure that he even knows that little detail about pot and the munchies but it was so funny and Ella started giggling like crazy. I think they all may have been tired including me because I found it a little too humorous myself.
Ella has a red bear that they fondly nicknamed "bloody bear" that is missing an eye. So Sam got a new bear from preschool yesterday from his teachers and he was making me guess what he got. I guessed four things and he said "one more guess" so I said a stuffed animal and he said "well mom you just can't guess that" so I guessed something else. He then pulls out this red bear and says "This is bloody bear jr." So, we now have two dolls that are Elbow and Elbow Jr. and 2 bears, Bloody bear and bloody bear Jr. I guess at least none of these odd named toys will ever be lonely.
Yeah pretty much this post is to just avoid all the things I really should be doing right now.
so just to stay off track for a few more minutes I am going to do something totally out of character for me.
I'm going to brag. Ok not really but for the first time in a very long time or ever I am letting myself be proud of myself . I am sure I have mentioned before that I have a little thing called PCOS which I found out after struggling to have all of my kids. I had mentioned all of my symptoms to many different OBGYNs and not until I went back to my awesome internal medicine Dr. did someone finally take my word for it and experiment w/some PCOS drugs to see if there was remedy for any of my problems. Sure enough 25 lbs quickly disappeared from my body which I more than deserved w/the amount of exercise I do and have done since having Logan. I also started functioning properly as a real "female" instead of half male (I will leave it at that........and your welcome). I think now that we are done having kids I would probably get pregnant really easily which is annoying but whatever it is what it is. So anyway I started feeling good again and like myself so I really started pushing myself physically but still being careful not to re-injure my legs. I took my measurements yesterday......gag.....but in total (i am going to be proud rather than embarrassed of what was) I have lost 30.3 inches in circumference on my body. Some of it is not circumference loss that husbands would be happy about but loss none the less. I have lost 48 lbs and I have worked very hard for it. 2 yrs were working hard w/out a pound lost because of fact I gained during that time. Don't get me wrong, it was not all about the disease. Some of it was poor eating but it is just amazing to me how once you get the machine running right it is a lot more forgiving about your bad days of eating.
I have been getting many compliments lately about losing weight and while it makes me feel good that other people can see that I look better it also makes me very uncomfortable. I think I would rather no one say anything w/how embarrassed it makes me feel but I do think it is kind of people to be aware of those around them and their efforts. Does that make sense? It is funny that I feel that way since I try to always notice and compliment people for weight loss because I know how daunting it can be.
Anyway I have just thought a lot lately about how I think so many people are vain and it bugs the crap out of me and then I realized how vain I have been all these years not feeling good enough or like I am somehow not a good person because I am overweight and I constantly think about my appearance w/unhappiness. I am working on that so I can continue on my judgements of other people w/a clear conscience (;
So my point in this long long drawn out blah blah is that I am choosing now to be proud of my hard work and I feel good about my efforts and I feel healthy and well and that feels so nice.
If only I had documented the # of gallons of sweat, since most of my effort was exercise and not much altering in food. I have completely worn out 3 machines and I feel good about that.
I am officially patting myself on the back and I don't want to talk about it again even though I'm not quite done losing.
I have to say in all this though that it is wonderful to have a husband like Dave who has never ever made me feel like I was any different no matter my weight or state of mind. I don't know if he is just oblivious or if he is just too nice but either way I am glad he is the way he is. I couldn't have handled one more person besides myself being critical of me. I sometimes like to act like I don't care but in reality I care a little too much sometimes.


Laurel, Brian, Addison & Liam said...

okay April, we need to talk. I am in the SAME boat at you in the weight loss department-and well, probably the manish area as well too. Let's have lunch! Good Nat is coming to down March 17th, she wants to get together with everyone.

Anyway, I have lost 40 pounds, and still have about 20 more I want to lost, but I get uncomfortable too when people bring it up. I like that they notice it, it makes me feel happy, but I also get really embarrassed. My mom compliments me a lot, and I like it, but I feel weird. I also feel like, "What did I look like before?" Because really, I am still insecure, I feel I looked nice 40 pounds ago, did they think I was Jabba the Hut? It really is so hard. And, Brian, like Dave, is the best. He has never made me feel bad about myself, if anything, he is sad my "pooch" is getting smaller. What the H?! TMI? Oh well.

Anyway, I am proud of you for being so open and owning who you are. You are a real, genuine person. Thank you for your blog post today. I needed to know that I'm not the only weird one. :)

Hendricksonblog said...

Thanks Laurel. You have no idea how long I sat before actually posting this. It is a side of me that I have liked to keep fairly secret and am embarrassed by but I decided it was time to let it go and move on.
I hope that anyone who sees it doesn't think for one second that I am critical of other people about appearances because I am actually not critical especially of weight unless of course it is my own.
I told Natalie I would love to get together. I'm excited for that.

Lisa said...

I think it is better for people to say that they think you look good or see a change. It doesn't feel good when you loose weight and no one notices (or if they notice they don't say anything.) I guess either way it is a win/win or lose/lose how ever you want. I think you look great and I will keep telling you even if it does make you feel weird! That is just the kind of friend I am!!haha

Hendricksonblog said...

I catch your drift Lisa. I actually don't mind as much when it is privately w/someone you know really well. I really hate when someone says it in front of other people. That is more what is uncomfortable for me but then again I'm not much of a hugger either and I got over that after being forced into it so many times. That is the kind of friend you are and thats I why I love you! Now get to packing!

Chad said...

What is PCOS? Have you written about this before?

I have whatever disease makes me eat 2 or 3 donuts instead of 1. Seriously, if I ever get something that makes me alter my diet, I am as good as dead, or disabled... whichever comes first.

Hendricksonblog said...

Too long to explain. It is improper female organ functioning or lack or functioning at all pretty much...which is why I left it at that.
I agree and don't believe much in diets. Everyone always goes back to the old way of eating eventually anyway. You just have to burn what you eat or be content to be fat. Either way as long as your good and happy so am I. Doughnuts tend to do that to people. It seems they call your name at least they do to me so I try to not bring them home.

Hendricksonblog said...

Eat them all in the car on the way home! ha ha

The Royals said...

Next time I see you I'll give you a big hug, a swat on the bum and tell you how great you look! Seriously, you do!

Sam is just so funny!

Sarah Lee Cakes said...

You really do deserve to brag about it! I often have felt guilty about being thin while you worked your butt off to no avail. Seems so unfair.
I love weight loss stories and can't even watch the biggest loser without crying. And no matter your size, all women are horribly critical of themselves. You lose weight and look better, then you see somewhere else on your body you don't like.

DJ and Gin Family said...

I've always thought you were hot! You may as well own it, right? Congrats! I don't know about you, but I am loving being in my 30's. I am starting to see things the way I wish I always had. Life is too short.

Natalie said...

Dang April, you look HOT! *butt smack/pinch*

Congrats! Losing weight is hard and it's a different saga for every person. You should feel good, because you've been working hard. Anything we work hard for should be felt good about. Like when I worked so hard to finally beat Dr. Mario back in jr high. . .

And, what would we do without such sweet husbands? That mix of obliviousness and goodness makes for the best guys EVER!

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