Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Thats not a knife, this is a knife

A night falling asleep in April's head.
One night I put myself to sleep by thinking about where would be the best place to stab someone if they broke into your house. You see I would for sure want them to die otherwise they just end up out of jail and breaking into someone elses house and possibly harming their children. I also don't want them know where I live given that I obviously have seriously maimed them but failed to kill them. So what is that good kill spot? I worry with the heart area because what if I run into ribs? Maybe the liver I think to myself. Yeah thats a good spot.........drift drift......asleep.

So I don't remember if I have previously mentioned these little details but I will repeat myself if I have because they are a big part of who I am so worthy of a second mention. First and foremost I do have anxiety (I am down to a only 1/4 of a pill) second and apparently the most odd for a female is that I don't get scared very easily. For example scary movies (unless satanic) don't really scare me. So speaking of scary movies you know the girl who hears a sounds and creeps through the house trying to figure out what is going on? You know how you say to her "turn on the lights you idiot" Well that idiot be me. I always investigate sounds even if they are outside. In fact just the other night I met the milkman on the porch because I was laying in bed I could hear a car running outside.
So my point in this is that I don't fall asleep that way in a fearful scared kind of way just a "be prepared" boy scout kind of way
I am a fan of the average joe owning a gun or two and in fact would like to learn to shoot one myself (not a rifle though, my first experience there left me with a bruise on my face). I believe if someone comes in your house they are potentially dangerous to your children so you shoot them and if you feel so inclined you kill them. This is only if my kids are home for me. (I think)
My worry with the guns is that you shoot someone you love or you get robbed and they get stolen. What to do?

Other nights in my head are not nearly so fun. It is a lot of situations of peril and heartache that I imagine up and make myself upset over as if they are even real but I think these more common wind downs are a more product of anxiety and not Boy Scouts.

My ideal falling asleep aid would obviously be any of those really good pain killers where you wake up having slobbered all over yourself but unfortunately I know they are addictive and I just haven't had enough surgeries to have a good supply of them.
(Robbers of prescription pain meds take note...........I have none and if I did they would be all gone so unless you need anti anxieties, hit up your local pharmacy)

Odd one: Sam and Dave made a deal that he could have a surprise if he wouldn't cry when I took him to preschool. You know what he wanted for a treat? A fan in his room.......yeah....weird.
Sam had a freak out last night and couldn't get in the tub because there were two blades of grass in the water. Sam couldn't ride his little bike the other day because the piece of tape on his bike had wrinkles in it.


The Bronson Bunch said...

I love reading your rants. They make me feel like I'm not the only crazy one in this world. Oh and Sam is a freak! What the heck! That stuff makes me laugh! Funny kid!

Lisa said...

I think that we both know I am crazy and do the same. I live other peoples funerals that haven't even happened yet at a funeral. Morbid? Yeah I know morbid.
P.S. I think Sam could have a good chance to turn into the counselor on GLEE. Watch out!!!

The Royals said...

Sam is freakin' hilarious!

The Peton's said...

Very articulate in your description of anxiety vs real. I think I'd just go for the jugular, personally.

We have guns, but by the time I got them unlocked and loaded, I'd be toast. So I keep a large mountaineering axe under my bed. That sucker could seriously do some damage.

The Wingwah's said...

i love how you go on about your craziness and then say Sam is crazy. Hmmm, wonder where he gets it? I, too, wonder if other people think the same weirdo thoughts I think sometimes. Though I don't know that I've ever thought about where to stab someone. If it's a guy i'm sure the groin would be a bit painful.

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