I am proud of those who know the above Movie............its an easy one.
So in a six month time period my neighborhood welcomes at least 13 baby boys.
Yesterday I found out that I would have the lucky little girl that gets her pick of all these boys.........or gets picked on (either way). She is due in October so I am counting on some people to create her some friends in the 10 months that follow so she can go to school with at least a few girls.
Although I really enjoyed all of my boy variety friends much more. I seemed to relate better.
I am glad she's a girl but in all honesty I didn't care one way or the other. I think I'm better with boys though. No dance classes to attend (hopefully!!!)
After getting an ultrasound just 8 short months ago to see no heartbeat after 17 weeks of pregnancy your preferences become more simplified. A living baby with all the appropriate parts is all I wished for.
I have seen many people I know go through this loss over these last months. Some full term, some newly pregnant. I have gained a new understanding and heartfelt sympathy for all of these women, their husbands, their parents, and possibly some of their children. I definitely don't remember signing up for this part and I surely wouldn't sign up again. With that being said I feel like in the last 2 months I (finally) have healed emotionally from it. I will always have a very soft spot in my heart over such matters. I am very appreciative of all those people who gave me words of encouragement having come from a similar situation and those close friends who made me think my insanity was completely sane always(I look back now and realize sometimes it is helpful to lie to those you love in cases like these). Loss is an amazing thing, in good and bad ways but I know it takes you on the ride of your life.................I'd like to stay off that ride if no one minds!!!!...........and I like rides...........
I didn't think I could appreciate pregnancy more than I did with Samuel. I was wrong. It is still not my favorite state of being but I realize how fragile it is yet miraculous at the same time.
This has been and will continue to be my most anxious pregnancy. For those of you who know me better, you know added anxiety to this already anxious person is out right ridiculous!
But I am happy and appreciate the blessing of being able to become the mom to one more little girl. I am really trying to appreciate my kids in all of their moments (good, bad, ugly, poopy, barfy, sassy, angry, emotional, rebellious, etc..) so that when they all move out I might have less feelings of regret and shoulda, coulda spent more time enjoying them.
So I thought I would post this since I removed the baby ticker.................I found that baby kind of creepy. Maybe I will find one I like better somewhere else.
And get workin' on making her some guuuurlfriends to share all these cute little boys with.
3 months ago