No expression, no expression

I think this is the longest stretch I've ever gone without blogging.  It got to be longer and longer and it felt daunting.  I was in no mental state to blog anyway without being a Debbie Downer (no offense to any Debbie's out there, it's just a saying)

True to form, 4 months post miscarriage my hormones shifted and I took a pretty rough turn for the worse.  I was already not in great shape so this time has been a doozy.

I tried to power through for months since I had been off anti anxiety/depression drugs for about nine months but my imbalance was winning the fight that no amount of deep breathing could fix.   

I spent the day before Halloween bawling ALL day and Dave thought I had lost it when I finally told him I was literally crying about nothing and needed to go back on medication.   I think he was relieved that he wasn't doomed to spend the rest of his days with a lunatic.  

 I'm not weird or too proud to take medication but I was sad that I had worked my way off of it and had to bite the bullet and go back on.  This time I knew depression was the culprit but I noticed anxiety creeping in too so it was a double whammy and my low dose couldn't cut it.  I'm now at a good dose and am starting to feel hopeful and positive again.  So here I am back to blogging which releases stress and makes me feel somehow like I'm accomplishing something  since I suck at a personal journal.

So way back on October 26th, Neve turned 6

she started talking like a baby around that time too which hopefully goes away soon

This is what I call exuberant gift opening

Grandma and Grandpa surprised all the grandkids by showing up at Neve's birthday party straight home from their mission.  You will be surprised to know that Ella cried.  She's so cute!

Why would you post a smiling pic when you can have this!

since Neve had sent this saying on all her letters to them for 18 months, Heather had a fun idea to make Neve a shirt with a copy of one of her many notes to them.  It is now her favorite pajama shirt and all her others rarely come out of the drawer

Halloween 2014

Halloween came and went with not much fanfare which is sad because its my second favorite Holiday.  I tried to will myself to do an adult party but I just didn't have it in me.

I wanted Sammy to be a Pinata
I hadn't realized how much work this costume would be
but he loved it and so did I.  Who knew he would constantly be threatened with a bat.

Ella did a little Ninja turtle thing with Kylee and Brin

I had all these cute Ideas for Neve but all she wanted to be was a Pink Batgirl
and NOT one with a tutu

 Logan is too cool for Halloween now so it looks like I only have 3 kids.  Oh well, less people to make idiotic faces in pictures.

 My new calling is a Den leader for the Wolves.  Sam was in for 2 months but now has moved up.  These boys are fun and I am enjoying this level of busyness vs. the other level I had for the last years.  I miss my YW but it was definitely time for a change.   These happy little balls of energy are just the thing I need right now.

 I started working at the Jr. High as a Behavioral Aide, Special Ed Aide, Friday School Meanie, and to help the handicapped kids at lunch.   I'll be honest, the handicapped kids are the easiest.   I'm enjoying my job......crazy I know!   Some of these kids are total butt heads but as I find out more and more I am sad at the situations these kids come out of.  Tragic!!!   They are fun though and I am just masochistic enough to like teenagers.

Sammy turned 9 on December 21st

I hate seeing this kid grow up but I do love to hear him back talk to Dave in spanish 

without realizing he's doing it.  "No Sabe!"

I love this picture because oddly it looks like a mix of Me and his uncle Mike

Half my kids still choose the Costco cake.....fine with me.....easy! 

fffffrrrrrrrttttttt!!!! Thats the end of the Birthday song right?

 Ella Bella turned 12 and finally gets to go to Young Womens

She's been looking forward to joining in our crazy antics

 This was her favorite gift from us and I was worried but it ended up being a slam dunk

as long as we put it in the furthest recesses of the basement while they are "enjoying" it

Ky & Ella

Ellafaye & Ella
Chloe used to think Faye's name was Ellafaye

Judy Garland (Emily) & Ella

Brin & Ella
Her mom may have had a heads up on what Ella was getting from us

Gracie and Ella

My ears were ready for a break after all the screamo was over

Sunday the Family came over for cake and ice cream

 She chose Costco cake 

(she's Dave's kid because I would never choose this)

 Two weeks shy of two years earlier than her this Freak Show was born

Logan keeps us entertained around here lately or putting ourselves in time outs to keep from pummeling him.  

 He had a great B-day and is now 14 

(two more years ladies, I hope you can contain yourselves Until he's datable)  

Ughh, that just made me sick to my stomach.

 Dave once again was not thrilled with the purchase of non Jazz/BYU gear

 This kid got a total of like 100 bucks worth of socks

I hear its a phase.   He's got some real nice socks though.

I don't love that they have special washing instructions 

but what I won't do in the name of John Stockton

 This Kendama has provided hours of entertainment 

(and annoyance of "mom watch")

 This was his greatest surprise, he even did a happy dance

 "Jordan one hundred and twenty nine millions" 

or something like that

 I Bon-fired his cake instead of spreading the candles out 

since he has a reputation of coughing the candles out 

if he is forced to blow too many times.

 Now this is My boy, Pie for dessert.  

Thats a real birthday cake right there.

Monopoly, Twenty one, checkers, and chess

My cute little Nevey finally started Kindergarten

It was a torturous week for her waiting until she got to start

We had stake conference and church was over early so I decided we needed to torture Logan further by making him miss more football games on TV and took a hike up to Lake Mary.

Before we started Ella was all gung ho to go all the way to lake Catherine 

but the hike just to Lake Mary made her change her mind about that.  

She now feels like we tried to torture her more than Logan

They were all good and didn't complain but Logan keeps asking why we are doing weird things every Sunday.  I think he may have some sort of trust issues with us.  He's always waiting for the other shoe to drop even though it never does.

I'm pretty sure she fell a time or two.  Better her than me.

The water level was pretty low but it was fun telling the kids of our memories to Lake Mary with our friends, back when we were Just Friends.   ha ha

We told them mistakingly how we jumped off the rocks into the water and they were quick to tell us that there were no swimming signs here.   Oops.  I suppose if that is the only mistakes they think we made, we are good.  Maybe they will swim in a no swimming lake or jump a fence to a "closed" Magna pool for a midnight swim.   Harmless, minus the pneumonia I got from either my friends dirty gym clothes (he was a boy) I wore or the algae growing on the surface of the water.   C'mon people, this was back in the day when toilet papering wasn't a criminal offense.

                                 

This guy is on the moon in more ways than one

He was dancing and yes, he does dance like a white boy

                 

After we got home we finally went to go meet Sophie

                                       

Kind of a little sweetheart.  She pooped on Dave.   LOL

                                  

Neve also started soccer again this year and to our joy can be quite aggressive and fast.  She happens to be more aggressive at practice toward her own team than she is on game days to the opposing team but she doesn't know those other kids so she tries to be nice.  We told her to stop being nice.

                             

We went to a party for Forza soccer club and Sams team won time in these bubbles.
One problem,  How do you kick the soccer ball when you are barely tall enough to be in the bubble.   The boys had a major disadvantage in this game against parents.  Sam started just rolling around in his ball and wasn't too worried about the game.  I think I may have had a freak out if I had tried to even get into this death trap.